Phobos's Day Off
by Dark Master 1988
Summary: Cedric suggests that Phobos takes a day off. Summary sucks. Some OOCness. Rated T for swearing and suggestive themes. Please don't go insane while reading this... [OneShot]


Dark Master 1988: Hello. My name is Dark Master 1988, and this is my first fanfic, so be gentle.

**Disclaimer**: Hey buddy, does it look like I own W.I.T.C.H? NO! I'm just a fan of this series, okay?

A/N: This story came from my warped mind after reading TTT (that's Twisted Toyfare Theatre for those who don't know) and figured having what really happens when Phobos and Snake Guy take a day off. Also, to let you know, Cedric and Phobos are polar opposites as you read this rather crappy and demented story. One more note; I have no idea who the hell Frost is, as I haven't seen or read enough of this series.

**This contains some OOC-ness and references to _Buffy _and _Sailor Moon _(which I also don't own.) You have been warned.**

It was an ordinary day at the Meridian Castle. Usually by ordinary, I mean orclike creatures that are pillaging through the merchants' supplies and stealing food from the poor to give to the rich. Basically, just screwing the denizens of Meridian of what little they have.

However, today was different as everyone in the castle took a day off from all that robbing. Phobos, the current ruler of Meridian was relaxing on his throne, against his own will, dismissing any thoughts of the destruction many of Meridian are suffering.

_"sighs_ This is boring. Why Cedric did proposed that we take a day off? We captured all of those damned rebels especially that dick Caleb. We closed off all the portals so those Guardians don't have to go _Buffy_ all over our asses all the time. Man, this is boring," Lamented an unenthusiastic Phobos. "CEDRIC!"

Came Cedric, Phobos's right hand man. He commands the monsters to do Phobos' bidding and serves as his servant, which he shows complete disgust with.

_"panting_ What is it, my prince? And it better be good this time; I'm in a middle of something," complained Cedric.

"Let me guess; you're torturing Caleb by having wolves attack him, right?"

"Damn, how he'd known?"

"Anyway, I want you to go check the mail; see if I gotten any letters from fan girls." Said Phobos with a blush.

_"sighs_ All right..._asshole_."

"I HEARD THAT!" exclaimed Phobos.

"But seriously, what's the point, really? You're bound to get hate mail and death threats from people, especially what happened recently."

"What happened?"

"I don't know."

So, Cedric, accompanied by his posse of monsters, walked to the mailbox. Cedric dislikes it when he is forced to do his bidding, from this to spying (stalking?) on the Guardians while earning min. wage at a bookstore to getting screwed over by them and the rebels.

"Damn, does Phobos ever get out of that throne? I bet all he does is watching _Barney _and thinks perverted thoughts on the Guardians. They're only teenagers for God's sake!" muttered Cedric. "I liked to see him be in my slithering skin for once! See how he feels about having size uh...whatever boots shoved up his ass on a regular basis!"

"Dude, Cedric, calm down."

_"exhaling_ Sorry about that. I haven't had my tea, yet."

Once he got there, the mailbox was practically stuffed with lots and lots of paper.

"Let's see. Bill….bill…..credit card offer….bill…..porno…? Who requested this piece of crap?"

Numerous beasts were looking around, whistling.

"Not me…who was it?...mumbling incoherently"

_"sighs_ You guys make me sick. All right. Where was I? Oh! Bill….bill……hate mail…catalog…bill…care package."

"Sweet, Ma sent me my Sailor Moon doll!" exclaimed one of the monsters.

"Uh huh, that's nice. Grow up," said Cedric like he didn't care," Bill…bill….ah, forget it. I'll let Phobos handle this, that jerkwad."

So they went back to the throne, unbeknown to what's happening at the castle.

_Meanwhile..._

"So at last we meet, Caleb. I had a feeling you and your big buddy Vathek were behind the rebellion the whole time." Said Phobos, who was playing with dolls that had pictures pasted on their faces; along with pictures of the Guardians posted everywhere.

"You will see the error of your ways, Phobos." Phobos said, trying to imitate Caleb's voice.

"Not if I have anything to say about it," said Phobos in his normal voice, as his figure knocks down Caleb.

"makes random noises"

_"high pitched voice_ CALEB!" shrieked a poorly imitated Cornelia.

_"deep voice_ Hey! What did you do to my buddy?" Said Vathek.

"The same thing I'm going to do to you, big boy. BAM!"

"_moaning"_

"So, Cornelia, you single?"

"You heartless villain! How could you do this? But yet, I find you so... sexy and hot."

"seductive voice You're damn right I am. Now let's go make love.."

"Oh, Phobos…"

SLAMM! Phobos yelps immediatelyas he quickly gathered his "stuff" under his arms

"Prince Phobos, you have mail!" yelled Frost.

_"yelling_ KNOCK ON MY DOOR NEXT TIME, DAMMIT! _stammering_ Y-y-you didn't see anything, did you?"

"No, I did not see you playing with your dolls again!"

_"sighs_ Good."

Phobos went straight to his seat in the throne, expecting his servant to come back with his mail.

As Cedric entered the throne room, Phobos asked,"So what kind of mail I got today?"

"See for yourself, ass."

"Let see, bill….bill….oh, _Playboy _…..bill….bill…what the? _'I know what you did and I know where you live, signed Cobra Commander?'"_

Many looked around as Phobos asked,"All right, which one of you suggested we use the Cobra logo as our emblem. Come on. I won't punish you severely."

"Uh, I did?" replied a shaking monster.

"GAK!" as Phobos killed one of his men with his sword.

"OK, that outta way. Where's the rest of my mail? Oh, let's see…..catalog…fan girl letter…bill…..hate mail... wait, what's this? 'You are so hot, Phobos! I want to have dinner with you tonight in your beautiful castle. See you soon. Signed Anonymous.' Tonight huh. Well I guess I better get ready."

"You sure, Phobos? What if one of the men wrote it as a joke."

"Cedric, you know damn well my men will see the consequences of such an action. Besides, would any of these guys write cursive so good?"

"Uh, no."

"Good, now if you excuse me, I'll be in the hot spring."

A few hours later, Phobos came from his bath, dressed elegantly. Cedric was still unsure about this.

"I don't know about this, sir. You haven't gotten a date since last year. How sure you're going to think this date is going to be any better?"

"Trust me, I haven't felt this rejuvenated all day."

The monsters opened the large doors, revealing a young woman with blonde hair and piercing ice blue eyes.

"Hello, Phobos." Said the young woman.

"So shall we get started? Cedric! Bring out menu."

However, Frost has came in the room instead, with bad news.

"Uh, Phobos? We have a problem. Caleb escaped, with the Big Snake in his place. Oh, and before that, Phobos found out your little secret."

"Crap."

Phobos decided to give his date a tour of the castle while finding what happened to Cedric. When he asked his date where she's from, she vanished.

"Huh. I guessed she must given herself a self-guided tour. Well I better go check on Cedric."

As he went for the dungeon, he saw the most humiliating thing ever.

"W-What the hell happened here?" as he saw a lot of his men in very uncomfortable positions.

_"monsters groaning …My nards…….I think I can taste my liver……..where's my lawyer…..good thing Buffy isn't here….."_

"You! What happened?" yelled Phobos.

"It was…..horrible. They did…..awful things……they made….Cedric eat his own tail. They…..made fun of us. Calling….us……something……I can not speak of. They….broke into……your room."

"WWWHHAATTT!"

"G-g-g-guardians……they're here." stammered Frost, who looked like he got kicked in crotch more times than _anyone _should have.

"This isn't good. My men are in a limbo, Cedric and Frost got f---ed up, and someone broke into my room. This blows."

"Yep, today blows doesn't it Phobos." A voice called.

What appeared above Phobos are the Guardians of the Veil a.k.a W.i.t.c.h

"Especially when coming out of detention just to say hello to our favorite perverted prince." Said Irma.

"Wait how did yo-"

**_SMACK!_**

An hour has passed and Phobos was reeling from what happened just earlier.

_"groans_ What happened?"

"Uh, you got smacked in the kisser by Ms. Rosenburg's little sister, the rebel leader practically dog piled all over you along with a few of his dumb buddies while you were knocked out cold. I wouldn't uh, get up right away since that big blue guy was involved with this." explained Cedric, who was still bore bruises and black eyes from earlier.

"_cracking_ Gee, I can see that now, jackass. How could this day get any worse?"

"Uh, every girl except Willow's twin broke into your room and saw your uh…stuff. And by now, you've became a laughing stock all over both the Earth and the Metamoor relams, because they printed those pictures in the newspaper." Moaned Cedric.

"Damn. Why me?"

"Oh, and your date was one of the Guardians. Earth Guardian, I think."

"I hate you. You suck, Cedric……"

**What do you think? Good? Awful? Just plain crappy? Please R&R!**


End file.
